For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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