last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
