I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
