Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
