just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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