Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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