and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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