either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
