I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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