What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
