I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
