so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
