her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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