Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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