somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
