New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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