I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
