Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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