dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
