I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
