I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
