Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
