i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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