24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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