he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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