Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize