didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
