new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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