just tell him i said nine months
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
