Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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