I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize