She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
