Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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