just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
