last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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