so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Text me some of your sweat
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
