so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
