it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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