Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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