he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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