Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
