did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
