I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
