When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
