You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
