Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
