then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
