Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
