Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
