She announced her abortion via fbk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
