one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
