We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
