I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
