i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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