the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
