I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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