she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
