Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
