I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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