dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
