When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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