i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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