I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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