i already hear my dad disowning me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
