and you said cock pushups were impossible
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
