great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We need to rekindle our bromance
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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