I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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