How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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