Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
