i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
