What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize